I usually attend a Bible study on Friday night. I didn’t attend this evening though because I had a friend in from Wisconsin at his parent’s house for the weekend. Since I doubt I will be able to go out much, I wanted to take the time I have and spend it with he and his wife.
Jathan and Becky is a unique couple. I say that tongue-and-check because Jathan has become a great friend of mine over the past couple of years. Before he got married and moved to Wisconsin, we used to hang out a lot together. We would talk about God, do meaningful studies together, and play volleyball somewhere in between. He knows a lot about me and I him. It is a great friendship to have.
Seeing Jathan and Becky happy is a great thing. I am glad they are married. At first, I thought perhaps they were running too fast into marriage. Knowing someone for a short amount of time and getting married quickly is not always the best thing to do. It definitely takes a certain someone and a clear moving of God to do something like that. Seeing them together this weekend confirms in my mind that it was a God ordained marriage. They really do look happy together. They kiss a lot, which is weird for me seeing Jathan kiss someone since he has never kissed a girl before Becky. I can tell that Jathan wants the very best for his wife and for his marriage. It is a beautiful thing to see played out in their relationship among family and friends.
Sometimes it is hard though seeing people married and such. It isn’t because you would want them to be single. As I said, I am glad they are married and together. What is hard though is being single while all your friends are getting married around you. You are extremely happy for them and truly desire for God to bless them with happiness and joy in Christ for many long years. It is during those times where, for me anyway, where I start to ask myself a ton of questions.
Questions include: “Why am I still single? Is there really someone out there for me? I know God loves me but why does it feel like He is holding out on me? Why is it so hard to trust that God has someone out there for me who will love me and care for me? What if God really wants me single and I am missing His signs? Why is it so hard to be happy and content with God? Will I ever meet someone who cares enough for me to want to be with me?” I have asked these questions all the time – not every day – but enough that I have them memorized quite well.
I love when people try and quote scripture like they are being helpful. The one I hear the most is, “Tim, remember what Jesus said: Keep seeking, knocking and asking. Eventually you will find, the door will be opened and you will have answers. It’s a promise so cheer up!” Don’t get me wrong. What the person said is true – very true in fact. The problem is that it isn’t helpful. I can’t tell you how many times I have sat there and thought about how much I have knocked or asked God. So often, it feels like God isn’t even there to open the door or answer my call. I feel like He is busy or has something better to do – like fixing up other people as couples so they can get married. It is so easy to be cynical when you feel like the possibilities of married are slim to none.
I used to think it was an outer appearance issue – the whole, “You’re not good looking enough” syndrome. The only problem with that is that we are all messed up in some manner. There are no perfect people. Don’t get me wrong. I have to continually work on taking care of myself so I can be attractive for my wife. I can’t be lazy and look like a slob. I don’t think I am. I dress well and smell nice. That definitely helps a lot.
Maybe this sounds like I am venting – and in some ways I am. Sometimes one has to just get it all out and then all seems right with the world – at least for a little bit. Truth be told, I do believe God has someone out there for me. I don’t know who it is or where she is. Maybe I have met her in my past or maybe she is someone I have yet to meet. I know God has His best for me and I need to be patient. I don’t like being patient. It takes too long to be patient. I am learning though and trying to focus on my relationship with God so that I can be a great husband and leader one day.
So in closing, I hope, for those who are in the same boat I am, that you will continue to have faith in Christ and believe that He truly has the best for us. He wants to bless us and not hurt us at all. That is the hope I am leaning on. I hope you will lean with me. Perhaps together, we can be strong enough to be patient and wait for the wife or husband for us.