I was at work today and looked up at the TV. The headline read, “Celebrity Cabinet.” Intrigued, I watched as they named some of the people on their list. Oprah, Leonardo DiCaprio and others were mentioned in a list of people who would be representing the United States in world matters. Taking my cue from Hollywood, I have decided to produce my own listing of cabinet members I would pick. I then state a few reasons why I would pick them for the job.
* Department of Agriculture: Emerald Lagasse – This man knows more about food and would really put a “bam” in food regulation laws and trade. He also knows how to cook any meal you can think of in at least five different ways.
* Department of the Interior: Christopher Lowell – or the “fabulous 5” from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy – If you want someone working on your interior, Christopher Lowell has shown himself to far surpass many of his interior competitors. The “fabulous 5” have proven that they are on the cutting edge of style, poise and all-around style. With all the work the Department of the Interior does, why not split the responsibilities between five guys who are good at it?
* Department of Commerce: Oprah Winfrey – She has a lot of money and knows how to draw a crowd. She is never far from having an opinion and people love pretty much everything she says.
* Department of Justice: Bono – I honestly can’t think of anyone else who knows this area more than him. From his lyrics to his actions, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a picture of Bono in the dictionary next to justice. This position is made for him.
* Department of Defense: Chuck Norris – Chuck is one of those guys who you don’t mess with. Do you think Bin Ladin wants to mess with him – I think not!
* Department of Labor: Paula Deen – This is a hard working woman who has gone from next to nothing to a chief mogul. She stared making bagged lunches in her neighborhood and now is on daytime TV. She is an example of someone who works hard. If there were someone who makes this position look easy, it would be her.
* Department of Education: Jessica Simpson – I know what you are saying. Why on earth pick Jessica Simpson for this position? I have some great reasons: Despite always acting like a moron on TV, I have to believe that most of it, if not all of it, is acting. She is also the spokesman for that pimple cream. She exudes confidence that both men and women need to succeed in school, in the workplace, and in the social arena. Plus, if she really is that dumb, she can be the spokesman for getting an education, giving kids yet another reason to work hard and do good in school… I mean well.
* Department of State: Steve Colbert – I think Steve would represent us well in this area. His humor along with his honest assessment of the state of the US gives him an upper hand in this regard. If he can’t be President of the US, this is the position I would pick for him.
* Department of Energy: Donald Trump – He has built more buildings than anyone else I know. His buildings also produce more energy than any that I know. He is the richest bankrupt man in the world. Don’t let that fool you though. He knows how to spend money well. With his ability to spend money and use energy like he does, Trump, trumps anyone else for this position.
* Department of Transportation: Jerry Seinfeld – This guy has 30+ Porches. He can drive one car a day, a month!
* Department of Health and Human Services: Kevin Trudeau – This is the guy who writes the books about how to get healthy and lose weight. He has also written books on hair farming, producing a stronger memory and breaking addictions. He knows the inside tips doctors don’t want you to know about health. With his expanded knowledge, he fits the role well.
* Department of the Treasury: Bill Gates – Worth more than any other person in the world, we can trust Bill to keep the books in order. Billions or Trillions of dollars, Gates has seen it, touched it, and owns it. He is the kind of guy you would want to protect your financial assets.
* Department of Homeland Security: Sylvester Stallone – Playing roles as Rocky Balboa, Rambo, and the guy from “First Blood” give me full confidence that he kick some butt. Chuck Norris representing the Department of Defense + Sylvester Stallone representing the Department of Homeland Security = one heck of team.
* Department of Veterans Affairs: Jack Nicholson – With his role in A Few good Men, Jack knows how to wear a uniform well. No one would undermine Jack’s leadership in this area. I know it is hard, but I am sure you can handle the truth.
* Department of Housing and Urban Development: Ty Pennington – He has been the spokesman of Extreme Home Makeover for a long time now. He knows Sears and Home Depot better than most of us. He also is able to produce well over 100 workers, for one week of work. He, himself, is a hard worker always doing the “secret room” and has shown his attention to detail.
* The Vice President: Martha Stewart – Cause it’s time to get a women in the White House – Right Hillary?
* White House Chief of Staff: Arnold Schwarzenegger – This is one of the toughest jobs in the Executive branch. This person must work well under pressure while maintaining confidence in his role and his leadership. Arnold is the kind of guy who looked like a Greek god in his youth. If anyone can handle the kind of pressure for this job, I give it to him.
* Office of Management and Budget: Suzie Orman – She is a money kind of woman. She has aided in helping many people get out of debt and build a financial future. She can tell you when to spend, how to spend it, when to save it and how to save it. She is a kind of woman that will make sure that the books are done right and the budget is handled well.
* United States Trade Representative: David Beckham – I think David is one of those guys who is so multi-talented that people want to be around him. He has the looks, the style, the charisma, and the skills. With his role, playing soccer in the US, David, being a cultured man, would be a great pick as a trade representative.
* Environmental Protection Agency: Leonardo DiCaprio – There is no one as passionate in environmental everything than this guy. He drives a hybrid car and is a big contributor of “Go Green.” He is a true political mind within the acting world. I have no doubt he would serve this position well.
* Office of National Drug Control Policy: Snoop Dogg – With Snoop holding the reigns, marijuana will be legal, producing more jobs for illegal immigrants. With his popularity in the Hip-Hop arena and his activist mindset, Snoop will represent us well.
What do you think?