Waiting to Give

When I was twelve, I remember my dad and I talking while rowing a canoe out on a lake by our house. Our conversation encompassed a lot of areas of life, most of it being future dreams and hopes. We talked about college options and jobs that I would most likely have. We talked about my first car and how crappy it would most likely be even though it would be my first car. We finally talked about love and the future wife God has for me. The whole “birds and the bees” talk happened much earlier.

I am now 26 and still waiting for the person God has for me. There are times when being single is a joyous occasion. Being an adult, going somewhere and doing pretty much whatever I want to do without being concerned about another individual has its time and place. My time is mine (well God’s but you know what I mean) and I can spend it hanging out till all hours of the night with friends or turning in early to catch up on some much needed sleep. There are times though where being single is… well boring. One can only do so much one can do being single. There’s… solitaire.

I have learned a lot over these past couple of years with regards to relationships, though I have not always followed through on what I have learned. One of the big things is being patient, which I am not very good at. The truth is: If we attempt to do things in our own way, we neglect God and His purposes for us. No one wants to be in a relationship where it doesn’t work out and someone wants to be hurt.

I remember my 21st birthday really well. I had a lot of friends over and yet I was really down. I threw myself a “pity party” on my 21st simply because I was single. I then went to a church the following day and a woman asked if she could pray for me. Finding her to be spiritual and in love with God, I said that would be fine. She then put her hand on my shoulder and began to pray one of the most powerful prayers I have ever heard. In one of her last statements, she praised God that I was single! She thanked God that He had been protecting me from all the hurt and pain many relationships experience. She then prayed, asking God to prepare a woman for me in His timing. I never thought of it that way. All of this time, I have been praying, “God, why haven’t you brought someone into my life?” I probably should have been praying, “God, thank you for protecting me from being in a relationship that would result in me being hurt.”

Things haven’t changed since my 21st birthday. Though I have met many wonderful sisters-in-Christ, I have not found the person God has for me. I try hard not to dwell on it but sometimes it is really hard. Sometimes I try to hard to make friendships more than friendships because I am tired of feeling alone. I have a good friend who gave me some good advice: “Just relax and give up. Stop trying to make things work out and enjoy life.” That is some good advice. Though it is easier to say than live out, that is what I am trying to do. I am not always successful at it, but I am trying.

In conclusion, I believe God has someone out there for me. I believe that He is crafting someone who actually wants to put up with me. Though no relationship is perfect, God will be the center of it and we will grow together. I am waiting. Till that time, I am going to try and “enjoy life.” God knows the desires of my heart. I can’t imagine Him giving me all of this love to hold onto it for myself. I am not a selfish person. I truly desire to give it away; I want to give it to someone. In His timing and way, God will bring it to pass.

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