Singleness seems to be a dirty word in today’s culture. Being single means, at some levels that you are a loser incapable of finding true love. If you are single, you are not trying hard enough to find that special one God has for you. For much of my college career, I have allowed others to share these ‘words of wisdom’ with me. And, by trusting their ‘advice,’ I began to consider myself as they saw me as a single man. I considered myself a loser; I thought I was ugly. At one point, I actually stripped naked and stood in front of a mirror and examined myself. I was not happy with what I saw. I was too fat. I had pimples in my face and I was way too white (I was called ‘Casper, the pasty ghost’ in HS). I am too short as well. Girls like taller guys with bigger muscles than I could get. The ‘tall, dark and handsome’ characteristics were not apart of this specimen. I thought for a long time, that these ‘friends’ were right. Perhaps they meant well. Though, as I look back now, I have come to see all the relationships I missed out on simply because I believed something about myself that is not true.
Do not get me wrong. I am no Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio. I will never be on the cover of G.Q. or any of those ‘model’ magazines ladies pick up and read. I am just your average guy. A guy who is learning to be as Jesus was. Singleness to me is not a curse placed upon people who are losers or morons. Singleness is so much more than we would expect. There are great blessings.
As a single guy, I have had more free time to do the things I want to do. I am not ‘attached’ to someone. I only have to worry about my own needs in respects to my time and where my efforts are given. My dad works at Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission. If I ever want to go there on a whim and serve the men, I can go and not worry about it. If I want to go to South Street and sit by the water and pray, I can do that as well. I also maintain a positive bank account because I am able to save money and not spend it on some girl I am dating. I can give my money to those who are in need and share my resources with others. As a single, I am not stuck talking to someone on the phone for hours at a time. In general, I am not a big talker on the phone anyway. I would rather spend that time with people than putting an electronic cancer device to my ear and falling asleep while someone rambles on about something I am just not interested in.
On a more serious note though, being single has allowed me to grow in my relationship with the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7 says that we should not be seeking a wife if we are single. Those who are single are able to serve the Lord alone while those who are married are divided in whom they serve because they are connected to a wife or a husband. I used to hate those verses. At a young age I wanted to be married. I had dreams of having a family and growing old with my best friend.
I have a friend who writes in a journal to his ‘future wife.’ I find the whole ordeal strange because he does not know who she is at this point of his life. He writes her though and shares with her (in this journal) that he is praying for her, whoever she is. It is a nice thought I guess.
I used to meet people who said that it was cool to be single. They even wore these blue shirts with white writing that said something like, “I am no fool. Singleness is cool.” That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. These people would go around advocating singleness. I stopped one and asked them to share their thoughts and feelings about all of this because I was so confused. This dude said something like, “I no longer struggle with the issue of singleness. If I am meant to marry – that is great. If not – that is great as well.” I wish I could be like that guy.
I have dreams one day of being married. Taking walks with my future wife. We would talk and listen to one another. We would learn how to love one another and love others. I do not think my dream is wrong. It is not foolish to consider these things and to pray that God will bring these things to pass. It is foolish to believe however that the time spent in singleness is unimportant or uneventful. It is wrong to think one is a loser or ugly solely based on looks.
There is a season for everything.
My season right now is being single. For however long that might be I will continue to walk and grow in Christ. God will prepare me for the next season in my life. He will provide all my needs and prepare my heart to love whoever He has for me. I am not always content but I know above all that God is in control of all things. My hope lies in Him. He has never let me down thus far and I know He never will. With that in mind, I raise my glass and toast the season of singleness.