Being Church: Missionally Shaped

There are a lot of people I have met throughout my lifetime.  I would suspect many of them probably don’t read this site so I am not worried about them reading this post and getting the wrong idea.  Now that I think about it, I don’t really care if they were to read this or not.  It would probably be a good thing in some respects.  This post is about rethinking friendships.

The author of Proverbs 19:7 says, “A poor man is shunned by all his relatives – how much more do his friends avoid him!  Though he pursues them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found.”  I am beginning to understand this passage the more I go into the city on Monday nights to hang out with the homeless.  It is interesting how the homeless even treat one another.  The more I discuss matters of family (i.e. brothers and sisters), most just shake their head and state that their family has deserted them, even in their times of need.  That confuses me.  How can family not support family?  How can friends negate the needs of another friend simply because of his present status as a homeless person?  I cannot tell you how many people I have met who are in similar situations regarding their family and friends.  What is wrong with this picture?  It isn’t supposed to be this way.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).  This is where things get a little sticky on my end.  This is where I start getting a little personal about friendships.  As I have written, I have known a lot of people.  There have been people in my life who simply used me to gain more popularity with another crowd or social group, and there are those who have been a “friend” out of pity or charity.  Some of these people still exist and have created some of the crap that lays waste around me.  They are the people who are like Job’s friends – those who either make you feel like you are the worst person in the world or those who try and philosophically explain why you are messed up.  I don’t know why I allow them to have such power.  I guess sometimes, their words of shame somehow allow you to feel pain, which is apart of living.  Maybe that is the wrong reason to have people like that in my life.  God knows I don’t allow them to hang around in order to convert them or something.  They are stiff-necked like me.

I am lucky though.  I do have a few friends I feel like I can be real with.  I can be myself around them all the time and they know when I am not.  I can’t hide anything from them, even if I wanted to, which I don’t.  They just need to look at me and they know, without even saying a word that I am in need of encouragement, prayer, or support.  I like the fact that I have people like that in my life.  I just wish I didn’t take them for granted as much as I do.

So what’s a friend?  I don’t know the exhausted definition.  All I know is that a friend is someone that sticks closer than a brother.  I was think about that today at work what that entails.  Have you ever taken two pieces of paper and glued them together?  If you try and remove the papers from one another, inevitably, the paper will rip several times over, leave parts of the other behind.  That is what it is like to be a friend who is closer than a brother.  It goes beyond blood.

Where does this leave me then?  I am not 100 percent sure.  I guess all I can say is that I am rethinking the friendships that I have with people.  I am learning how to discern the value of friendships and how much I will allow them to influence my walk or me with God.  I will ask the tough questions we seem to never ask:  “Would so-and-so be willing to come over to my house and pray for a couple of hours if I really needed prayer or would they say something like, “I will get back to you later, boss?””  I hope that they would be willing to do the former rather than the ladder.

Being a friend is more than just switching phone numbers, being friends on facebook, and hanging out.  It is about being real in community and in private.  It is about having the ability to share your life with someone, despite the crap that comes along with it.  Friendship goes beyond myspace, favorite music, and PS2.  Those are not friendships.  Those are acquaintances and I have way too many of those.

In conclusion, I have decided to take friendship to a newer level.  I have decided to make it something tangible and real – like my relationship with Christ, which is my ultimate friendship example.  If you are looking for a fool-proof test in order to see if someone is a real friend, simply go to 1 Corinthians 13 and replace the word “love” with your friend’s name.  Do they inhabit those qualities despite your downfalls and greatest sins?  Or do you find it hard to place their name there and believe what you are saying is true?   I know no one s perfect.  I know people will let you down during some point of your life.  It is bound to happen.  That’s okay.  I just want to know if the people who are in my life really are people who care about me or if they are simply befriending me for the sake of personal gain or edification.  If that is what they are looking for, tell them that they probably would be better off searching some friendship hotline on the phone or something.  Friendships are not jokes.  They are not things you take out and play with every once in a while and then put back when you are done.  It is something that is on display for everyone to see.  I hope the friendships you have are genuine and honest.  I hope that when you place their name over love, it makes sense.  Though I do not have many, I am glad for the friendships I have. They are important to me, more than they could ever know.  Thank you

It is strange spilling a part of one’s life before a bunch of people who, in many respects, could probably care less. I guess the reason why it was important for me to share those parts of my life lies in knowing who I am and learning to be okay with who I am. That is difficult for me to do. As I have said before, it is a lot easier to portray a character of someone else than allow someone to see who you really are. Actually, now that I am spilling my crap before other to see, I have to change that last statement: It is a lot easier to be who you really are than to strive to hide yourself from others.

I used to do a lot of acting when I was younger. I was in a couple of musicals in high school and even did a show or two at a local theater. One thing I really enjoyed about acting was having the ability to be someone else; I had the freedom to be a different person from a different era who had a whole set of different problems he had to face. Being someone else allowed for a release of reality. I guess sometimes, we can be really good actors.

During our group study tonight, someone shared from his journal a statement I have been ruminating over since it was shared. The statement basically says, “You don’t have to prove your worth.” Can that really be true? Are we free from the stress and worry from proving our worth to other people? Do we really not need to strive in order that others see us in a picture-perfect painting we have painted for ourselves or can we really allow people to see the beautiful mess that surrounds our personal/private lives? For me, like most of us, I would rather show my best qualities rather than dispel my worst downfalls. I am sure I am not alone in that either. Man. This is getting personal.

As we continued our discussion, someone read from a book called Messy Spirituality by Mike someone or another. In one of the chapters (and I am paraphrasing), Mike is hanging out with a woman he considers a spiritual. He then basically tells her that she is probably the greatest woman he knows because she is so spiritual. It is her response that gets me the most: Mike. Don’t say that. You don’t know me. Stop comparing what you know about yourself with what you think you know about me. Mike’s problem was that he only knew the good things about the woman. He did not know her private life and the crap that surrounds her life. I think I am most guilty of doing that more often than I would honestly like to admit.

I think with “spiritual” people I do that the most; people I look up to are the first that come to mind. The reason I look up to them is because I see their life dimly through a leans that only allows me to visualize them as spiritual people. It is like that commercial for Purell hand washing solution. The camera spans a dirty bathroom but when the person sees the bathroom through the bottle of this hand washing solution, the bathroom is clean and germ-free. I guess our perceptions of those we look up to the most are seen in the same light at times.

When we lift people higher than ourselves (or anyone else for that matter), the harder they are going to fall when, inevitably, they are going to fail. Perhaps they are going to fail us or fail themselves. We almost catch ourselves saying, “I can’t believe he/she did that. How could they?” The truth is, when it comes to our “messed up children of God status,” we are all on level playing ground. For me, that is both freeing and scary. It is freeing because I no longer need to feel like I have to make myself out to be this “really spiritual guy” and it is scary because it means that I need to be honest with who I am – a messed up child of God. It also means that I need to entrust my shortcomings, failures, sin, and dirty rags with those in my community. This is the end goal for me.

As I continue to process my “messed up child of God” status, I know there are steps I need to take. I know that I need to be more naked, more transparent with others. I hope, in some way, these posts are helping with that. I am still growing, and still shoveling my crap from the years and years of past failures and sins. What seems almost absurd is that God wants us to shovel our crap and lay it at the foot of the cross for Him to handle. Why on earth would Jesus want to help me with my own crap? Why would He want to help me sort through the dirty stuff? I really do not have any answer for this. All I know is that we serve an amazing God who so desperately desires to be in relationship with us; who desires to dwell among us and be with us. We should never feel bad about allowing God to help us with our crap. He knows our heart and ultimately knows how much we loathe this task. His love is so much greater than the amount of crap that lies around us. In Him, we are made new. This is one of the most important promises I so desperately I rest in.

So. Where do I go from here? I guess I need to trust in God and continually be transparent with my community. I also need to encourage others to come along this journey with me. I know I can’t do this alone. And, as my friend wrote in his journal: I need to remember that I don’t need to prove worth. My worth is found n Christ. And, despite the crap I am shoveling, He truly loves me and has placed me in a community of people who love me and love Him. I am so blessed.

I got together with two very unique brothers in Christ to talk. They are two trusted people who I respect both as individuals and as brothers in the Lord. They are both gifted and have been given a great responsibility to shepherd others and I admire their efforts and hearts to do so. It was during our conversation, I was confronted by them concerning several areas in my life that I have held back from our community for whatever reason and in part, they wanted to know what I thought about what they had noticed. For me to share what I am about to share is very difficult because it makes me vulnerable and transparent. It scares me to share apart of me with others because I never know how someone will perceive what I had just shared with them. I DO believe it is important though to share my downfalls with others in order that I will be perceived in the right light – a messed up child of God.

I will never forget when I shared with a buddy I had known for a long time regarding a serious sin. This individual just stared at me and just shook his head at me. He said something like, “I don’t understand how you could do something like that. I thought you were a Christian. Christians don’t sin like that. What’s wrong with you?” I will tell you what was wrong with me – I was and still am a messed up child of God.

Going through an experience like that at a young age where one is trying to figure out his identity is hard. When one gets enough courage to share with someone an area of sin that he is dealing with, only to have it thrown right back in your face, is both humiliating and hurtful. Why do we act that way? Why do we throw it right back in their face? Why do we allow others to feel guilt and shame simply because they are dealing with sin? To me, I felt like I needed to just shut down and deal with my dirty secrets by myself. From then on, I would only allow people to see the surface parts of me.

There is only one problem with that line of thinking – it is impossible to build quality relationships with others when you only live in the surface. Sometimes, one has to be willing to put their crap on the line in order to be real with others, to engage in a real relationship. This is so important. This is the biggest area I need to work on in my own life. I do not trust people. I would rather push people just far enough that they cannot see the crap that lies around me because it is ugly and dirty and honestly, I don’t think people would care if they saw it or not.

One of the guys mentioned that when we are able to be real with others in community, it is then we are free. I believe that. I have to say that it is not very often I feel free. I feel like I have to be someone who is seen in a good light and that others will see me as a “perfect, un-cracked vessel for God.” Why do I try to deceive people? Why do I try to make people believe that I have no faults or sins in my life? It isn’t like they would believe me anyway. I guess the response I can give is: “Even though we have all fallen short of the glory of God, few people live that way in community.” Showing our crap means, in essence, that others can see you fully undressed. When was the last time you allowed yourself to be naked before other people? I can tell you for myself that it is a rare moment for me. I like to keep myself covered so others will only see a part of me that I want them to see. It seems easier that way I guess.

So – Here is me naked. Here is me completely unclothed and standing before you as a messed up child of God. I have a crap pile of faults and a laundry list of sins that come with me. There are times I have inappropriate thoughts that would make a nun blush. There are times when I have hated a brother or sister in Christ. There are times I have lied about what I was doing or where I was going so that others would see me as a “good person.” There are times I have wasted so much time online, my eyes was hurting from looking at a screen for so long. There are times I have looked at things I should have and other times I have read things that I shouldn’t have read. There are times when I sat and listened to gossip so I could share it with others later and other times when I have started rumors that I knew were not true in the first place. I hate most drivers on the road and I have shown my disapproval of their driving skills with hand motions that have displayed anger. There are times when I am easily angered by stupid things that mean nothing. I am often jealous of people who are in relationships with someone because I am not in one and wish I was and times when I have just shut down and hid from the world because I felt like no one would even care if I existed or were around. There are times when I don’t handle money well and other times when I hold back from giving when I know I could help others out because I am selfish. Lastly, there are times where I have allowed myself to believe that I am not needed or important.

This is only the beginning of my messed up life. This is what I am dealing with even now – a lot of these issues seem to relapse in my thoughts and actions. There is no easy answer for any of this. This is who I am. I have been told I never share these things so here I am. Here is my crap. Here are the areas I am dealing with and the areas I am struggling with. Are you going to run away or sit there and shake your head? Are you going to guilt me and tell me that I am a loser? It doesn’t matter to me. As a wise guy I know wrote in his journal while walking through the woods, “You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.” I am so desperate for community. I am so desperate for real relationships that go beyond the surface. For me, this is one of many steps I need to take. It can only get better from here on out.

I wish I could wrap my mind around the real issues of homelessness.  I have been struggling now for the past couple of weeks to understand how we are making a real difference in the lives of these people we meet each week.  It is hard to see the fruit – if any – that is produced through our interactions with these people and oftentimes leads to a feeling of withdraw.  We have spent several months now with the homeless at Love Park and I often wonder if there really is anything we have walked away learning.  Perhaps God allows that to be a mystery so that we would not become prideful of our efforts as if we had something to do with it in the first place.  The more I realize why I am going to Love Park, the more I realize that I need to continually ask God to humble me and make me a real servant to the Lord and to these brothers and sisters who have found themselves on the streets for one reason or another.  I am learning though, which is always a good thing.

So tonight, we went once again to a familiar spot.  We actually went into Love Park and set up a station on one of the plant containers along the sidewalk and placed several items on a cement bench that was adjacent to the flowerpot.  I am always continually amazed how there is no one around us when we first show up but within minutes, there is a swarm of people lining up for coffee, a bagged lunch, and some clothes to keep them warm.  When this first begins, this is where I usually struggle with the questions of how we are helping these people sustain a “natural lifestyle” as a homeless person on the streets of Philadelphia.  The majority of these people do not pay rent to anyone, have no bills, and oftentimes receive free food and clothes simply because they are on the streets.  I am not saying that we should stop giving these clothes and food items to these people.  I just wonder how much we are aiding in their sustainability on the streets.  Are we really helping them or are we making it easier for them to stay where they are and never set goals for themselves?  I hope one day, we could go down without food and clothes and attempt to talk to these people about the issues that matter most.  Food and clothes are definitely important but so is salvation and forgiveness of sins.  We cannot negate the importance of why we are going in the first place.  We are attempting to be like Jesus in our actions and our deeds.  Apart of that effort is in our ability to share the Gospel effectively and clearly enough so that others will hear the Truth of the Gospel and come to know Christ in a powerful way.  We cannot be only standing on the side of food and clothes.  We must balance that with the Gospel of grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness.

So it was while I was watching people receive newer clothes and food for the night, I saw an older gentleman who everyone called “Pop.”  Pop looked to be about 70 with a short, white beard and warn out eyes from age.  He would look at me and tears began to slowly run down his face.  He was a skinny man who wore his closet on his person and kept a large bag in his hand, which I am sure was filled with a great number of personal belongings.  When he would smile, his two lonely teeth would shine and proceed to chew another bite of his PB and J.  We did not talk much at all.  We just sat there next to one another and enjoyed the fellowship of togetherness.  I know that might seem ridiculous but I guess sometimes words are not needed in order to feel like one belongs.  Sometimes, someone just needs another person to be in his or her presence and smile.  It is a simple act that had a profound affect on me after he finally left, placing his finished brown paper bag in his pocket.  Sitting there for a moment, I wondered if I had seen the face of God in this man who spoke no more than five simple words.

While sitting, Greg came over and gave me a big hug.  I can tell that he had recently showered because he smelled like Ivory soap when I hugged him.  I have to say it was nice to hug a man who lived on the streets of Philadelphia who had recently showered.  Most of the men I have come to know have not taken that opportunity yet and thus smelled.  Greg was dressed rather nice in a semi-suit ensemble.  He had just informed me that he SHOULD be connecting with his son in the next couple of weeks; that he ad receive a full-time job as a “Mr. Fix-It” man where he hoped to live.  This job would pay quite well and allow his rent to be significantly less than he would have to pay.  The only thing Greg was waiting for now was a background check to make sure he was who he said he was.  If everything goes well, he should be hearing back from Harrisburg within the next week or so (the earliest being this Friday).  As I talked to him, I could tell how desperate he was to make things work out in order that he could be with his son and take care of him.  I have no doubt that it broke his heart each week not knowing when he would see his son next.  Since it was hard on his son to not see his dad, Greg would only stop by for a couple of hours a month and hang out with his son.  He would pray with him and tell his son that he loved him and that they would be together soon.  It was so hard to let him go each week.

As I was talking to Greg, there was a man who was mentally not right in the park, running around like a quarterback for a football team or something.  In a loud voice, he would yell, “Hut 56, hut 56…” and then would proceed to run around Love Park like a crazy person.  After he got “a touchdown,” he would simply stop and talk to himself for a little and then start the whole thing over again.  This went on for a good 15 minutes.

In my last few minutes at Love Park tonight, I continued talking to Greg about the future and how God was going to make everything work out for His glory.  Greg liked that a lot.  He was so thankful when we prayed for him and his son.  I can only hope that God will continue to show us how to be a brighter light to those who we meet.  I know it takes a long time to make a change but I hope in some small way, we have achieved at least a little of that.  That is my hope anyway

This past Sunday, we were challenged with the person of Jesus.  David taught on Acts in a way that far too few pastors have taught on the person and power of Jesus.  In my own personal thinking, I really believe what David was saying regarding Christ and His Person.  Christ is not this “pseudo” god that was made of wood or a stone.  He was in fact, God – a “person” if you will, who came from the Father in the flesh to dwell among the people of Israel during a time when the people were waiting for a promised Messiah to come and free them from the bonds of the Roman government.

We are not called to follow Joel Osteen or the Purpose Driven way.  We are called to follow Christ and rejoice when we are challenged with authority figures that would rather go away quiet.  Though, in the US, this is not the biggest issue, other Christians around the world are faced with the possibilities of dying simply because they own a Bible or they go to an underground Church.

For me, this service was another “slap in the face” as to my role in loving God and loving others.  It is a simple thing.  In all ways, we much continually run after Christ and His leading and not allow other people or things to hinder our abilities to actively pursue a relationship with Him.  It is all too important.

And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

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This passage is a familiar passage many of us have read from the time we were little kids. It is Ephesians 6: 10-18. I have read this passage in its familiar form in so many different translations of the Bible I cannot even number them. Why then would I attempt to share yet another version of this familiar passage? For me, reading The Message is a challenge for me. Not because it is hard to read but because it is not a literal translation. It is what the translators would call a “paraphrase Bible” essentially meaning that it basically puts aside the literal meaning of what the passage says in some ways and allows for a freedom in translation. As long as one does not use The Message as one’s solo scriptural devotion Bible, I have no problem with someone using it as a tool to receive another perspective of this passage or any passage from the Bible. Since I am using this translation in this post, I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t think that way. In any case, I thought I would share my thoughts on why I actually enjoy this understanding of the passage and what stands out to me most about this version of Ephesians 6.

The first thing that I notice stems from the first few verses of this message. “This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angles.” How do we explain spiritual warfare to a 5-year old child who is old enough to understand spiritual things? Do we try and explain how there is an invisible battle going on and there is this big war and stuff? In some respects, I wonder if the child would end up going back to his younger years of his “make-believe friend” – the invisible one who always had a place to sit at the table – and think, “It must be like that?” Being a guy, I would probably tell my son that there was an arm wrestling match going on and God has trained us to be strong to beat the other guy who is “the bad guy.” Sound ridiculous? In think in some ways, reading this version of the text can be a little easier on a 5-year old mind rather than the King James or something. Stop and think for a moment how you would describe spiritual warfare to a 5-year old. It is a tough task.

The second part of the passage I like even more. Anyone who is anyone can get something from these verses. It is a bunt and honest assessment of the situation: We can’t doing it on our own; Take all the help you can get; I understand this. This is real. The fact of the matter is that we can’t do this whole spiritual battle deal on our own. We need all the help we can get so God gives us all the weapons we need to wrestle well and win.

The most significant part of this passage personally is the phrase, “Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words.” How true is that? Why is it in our culture, we use these words all the time and give no thought as to why they are so important to us? Why do we feel it is okay to use terms without understanding the power they provide us with to fight the battle well? They are not just words. I encourage you to take some time and think about these words and ask God to help you see them more than just words. I hope they become apart of your being and your life in far more ways than just words. Each one represents the character of Jesus, Himself. That is pretty important to remember.

My final thoughts hinge on the phrase, “Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.” How true is that? Are we even doing that? Do we really care enough about our brothers and sisters to even consider when they are tired of the fight and want to give up? Do we come around them and hold them up while they battle? Do we have people who we could call on to help us when we need them?

The bigger picture here is a need for community. The battle is not done alone. That is why God has given us a community. That is why we are called the body of Christ. The body works together to fight together. When a part of the body is tired of fighting, another part stands up and fights with that part of the body that is tired so that it will not give up and fail. Without the body, we fail. Without prayer, we fail. Without each other, we fail. We have been given so much – let us never forget how blessed we truly are to have one another as apart of the body of Christ. God bless